What pulls us in?

Have you ever wondered why we pull certain people into our lives? Or why we become so attracted to certain individuals? In either a platonic or passionate way? Some of us may not consider why we are so attracted to certain people but in general nature does not force it without a reason! You may feel compelled by the forces of nature for example and have no idea why. You feel you must call that person or you must talk to the person on the train sitting next to you and not really know why. Sometimes conversation just forms so naturally between strangers and before you know it you have made a connection with them. You may even feel drawn to a certain leader or teacher and not understand the full reasons behind it.
 
But when it comes down to love attraction however, isn’t it fascinating that we are usually drawn to physical appearances? Yet it can’t just be about the physicality or relationships simply wouldn’t last, but many of us can feel wooed in by an attractive package and learn still that there is something even more attractive under the dressing. But what we should also take account of is the way we look at attractiveness and also how it can influence our connection with others. For instance, we don’t know the reasons for other people’s attractions necessarily, as we can only identify with our own but according to research it is our cultural and emotional circumstances that lead us to our desired. A number of different factors play a role, including values.

It is also noted that people can only be attracted or drawn to others when they share the same interests. However, there are ways in which we can manipulate people by our looks, posture and actions. For example, vulnerability may play a huge role in relationships that usually doesn’t last for too long. Relationship expert Raymond Fohjem explains that it is the manipulation of physical appearance in different postures that makes someone fall so easily even if they have never thought of it. It is then only as time passes that we may begin to realise that our values are not the same, or that one partner has a stronger pull on the other so power struggles start to form along with reoccurring patterns and cycles that leave us feeling more vulnerable.
 
The substance behind a relationship seems to link with past experiences, empathy and our ethics. For example, we may have suffered a great deal of trauma through a divorce or struggled with bullying at school and then found someone who has shared the same experiences. Therefore our appreciation of life is angled in such a way that we feel inclined to walk a certain path and adopt a different attitude to what we had done previously. Therefore when we connect with someone that has the same level of appreciation or interest it is then that we become intimate with each other because we empathise and understand where we have just come from.

Of course there are a few other factors that explain attraction but on the whole knowing why we are attracted to certain individuals is not something we can easily learn but instead experience and then examine our personal interests and life purpose. When we look back at previous relationships for example we can know and appreciate what it was that drew us in at the time. Vulnerability, mutual friends with similar interests, or circumstances that simply pulled us together such as a dating site we might have joined through loneliness or rebound.

Whichever one, we will have come to notice that the other person was looking for something very similar at the time which proves that our circumstances and values were set in such a way that we sub consciously attracted it. This is what many people fail to recognise when relationships don’t go the way in which had anticipated. If you feel confused with life and uncertain of what you want, then naturally, you will come to attract the same thing.
 
In Raymond’s[1] other articles he also suggests that attraction is not just down to physicality but also down to the things we own and contribute towards in life as he expresses:
 
“We have our different factors in life that make us assume someone as being attractive. Some people may find a person attractive when he/she has material possessions, for others, when they believe the person can assist them emotionally, and then others highly depend on the person’s physical appearance”.

It is suggested that people who depend more on the appearance are those who are not being influenced by anyone or any external element. Therefore if you’re not affected by material or an emotional need, then it is more than likely that you see someone attractive as he or she truly is merely because you are not depending on anything. In essence it is very clear to see why it is so important that we become as independent as we can and free from baggage so that we can enter into relationships more freely and lightly. Once we are free within ourselves we are free eternally!