Why Do We Worry What Others Think When It Comes to Changing Our Life?

Why do we stay in the same relationship for so long? Why do we buy the same clothes over and over, even though we don’t feel good in them? And why do we continue to talk to the same people on the bus even though we don’t really want to? Many of us conform on a daily basis without even realising it. We speak to our clients politely, we take sugar in our coffee because we are too polite to say otherwise and we stand up straight when we approach figures of authority.

Sometimes we comply to certain rules and regulations because it is the right thing to do and if we didn’t we would end up in dilemma but more often that not we find ourselves staying in certain situations in fear of what others might think. Will we seem rude? Will his parents judge me for breaking up with him? If I follow my own beliefs then perhaps they won’t speak to me again?

The list goes on and most of the time we beat ourselves up about consequences that may never occur due to our fears of what “might and might not” be accepted by others. The truth of course, is that if it is not accepted by others then was the situation or person really worth it in the first place? Sometimes making an impulsive decision can lead to light that over time becomes a blessing in disguise and although we may not be aware of it at the time the blessing in hindsight becomes very clear.

In order to make the right decisions we must first of all feel confident in ourselves so that we can place commitment in making those choices to then gain a positive outcome and if that means causing some upset amongst others in order to please ourselves then sometimes that has to be the case. Many of us come to find that as our energy levels change people slowly begin to graduate in our lives so that new energies can enter which then enable us to grow and learn differently so that we can become the people we have always desired. We may not even be consciously aware of our desires to grow and it is not until we have looked back that we begin to see our decisions were a natural cause even if it seemed like a great big ball of stress at the time! Decisions come to us for many different reasons and most of the time it is so that we can separate ourselves from the things that we no longer need.

According to Tom Ferry, life coach there are two types of decision makers in the world. The first are internal decision makers. These are the people who self-analyze every step, every option, every possible outcome and never talk it through with others. This doesn't mean they don't care about others opinions. In fact, it can be quite the opposite . They've been burned so many times, they choose to make their decisions on their own as a way of avoiding being rejected.

The second is an external decision maker. These people constantly seek the opinions of others, asking for their approval in ways such as, "Do you like this idea?," "Am I right?," "Does this dress look nice on me?," "Are we in the right place?," "Am I doing the right thing" and "Are we okay?" They're thought of as team players because they want to get everyone involved in their process. They simply can't move forward without the validation from others. The problem is, is that if we seek too many answers then we become lost with our own instinct and it can be very hard to recognise what is right and what is wrong.

As humans we tend to stick with old habits out of safety and often fail to realise that changing such habits can actually set us free but if you stop driving a certain model or make of car what an earth will people think? And if you start dating a geek rather than a Romeo how are people going to judge you then? What seems right for you sometimes isn’t and because the people around you are so use to your image or status in life it can be very hard to change in case people don’t accept the new you.

We also become so shaded by other peoples’ opinions and ideas that we end up becoming part of the background rather than the person at the front line. So if we want to be on the front line then we have to remember that other peoples’ views and criticisms are not necessarily the truth and that opinions really are “just opinions”. The problem with opinions is that they can hurt us and blind us into thinking that we are not good enough or that we have to abide my our old rules in order to please others, but in actual fact making small changes will be enough to gradually lure people into seeing our true passion. The people that support you and respect you for those changes will be the ones that then help you and encourage you to grow. It may be best then, to use any negativity or criticism as a motivator that enables you to push past difficult challenges and obstacles resulting in inner strength and capability.

Your rivals will soon begin to see the transformation that has taken place and you will become and example of positive change to those that perhaps once undermined or doubted you in some way – the self fulfilment and gratification that follows will be well worth it!

All the best to you!

With love and light


Tom Ferry:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tom-ferry/self-help-why-do-we-care_b_615063.html